The Ultimate Act of Love:
Honoring Your Mother Despite Trauma

By Vanessa Horabuena

In Matthew 15:4, Jesus commands us to honor our mothers and fathers. The Lord himself - perfect, just, and holy - gave us this instruction, and so it is undoubtedly a commandment that we must obey. However, what if our mothers have caused us deep pain and trauma in our lives?

How can we possibly honor someone who has hurt us so deeply? It's a complex question and one that many Christians struggle with.

Let’s explore how we can love and honor our mothers despite traumatic experiences.


The first step to loving our mothers despite trauma is to forgive them. This can be a challenging task, especially if the pain caused by our mothers is severe. However, we must remember that forgiveness is a crucial aspect of our faith. Jesus himself forgave those who hurt him, and so we must follow his example. Forgiveness is not saying that what was done is okay or forgetting what happened, it simply means letting go of the anger and hurt in our hearts and entrusting the situation to the Lord.

Set boundaries

Setting boundaries is an essential part of healing from trauma.

If our mothers have caused us pain, we must take steps to protect ourselves from further harm. This may mean limiting contact or setting clear boundaries on what actions and behaviors are acceptable. Setting boundaries is not a sign of disrespect but rather a practical measure to ensure our mental and emotional well-being.

Focus on the Good

While it is easy to get caught up in the negative experiences and pain caused by our mothers, it is essential to remember the good things they brought into our lives. Perhaps they were there for us during challenging times, provided us with unconditional love, or taught us valuable life lessons. Whatever the positive experiences may be, it is crucial to focus on the good and not let negative experiences define our relationship with our mothers.

Get Help

Trauma can leave deep scars on our hearts and minds, and healing from it can be a long and challenging process. Seeking help from mental health professionals, counselors, or support groups can make a world of difference. It is important to remember that we do not have to go through the healing process alone.

The amazing counselor who helped me personally to overcome trauma, and certified me as an advanced life coach is Dr. Allen McCray. You can email him at for a zoom or phone session. He is truly called for this mission and has helped to transform many people's lives. It has been a life's honor of mine to work with him. In fact, after 3 sessions, I began to paint for the first time.

This was a little over 10 years ago. Just imagine what gifts can come from overcoming trauma and pain. What is in you, just waiting to come out and change the world?


Finally, pray. Pray for your mother, pray for yourself, and pray for the healing of the relationship. The Lord is a God of healing, and nothing is impossible for him.

While Mother’s Day can be a challenging and painful time for those who have lost their mothers, as Christians, we can find comfort in our faith.

By taking comfort in God’s unchanging love and leaning on our community, celebrating our mother’s legacy, finding peace in knowing that she is with the Lord, or seeking professional help, we can navigate the difficult path of grieving the loss of our mother.

Remember, while the pain of loss can feel unbearable, we have the hope and promise of eternal life with Christ, where we will be reunited with our loved ones one day.

Want a loving reminder during this season of grief?

“Close to His Heart” is a beautiful work by Vanessa Horabuena to remind us that even in the depths of our loss, He is there to comfort us.

Click here to purchase today.